How to Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love
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- Create Date：2021-03-25 11:15:20
- Update Date：2025-09-06
- Status：finish
- Author：Logan Ury
- ISBN：1982120622
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Summary
Named one of the “must-read” books of the season from Time， PopSugar， Behavioral Scientist， and more！
A funny and practical guide to help you find， build， and keep the relationship of your dreams。
Have you ever looked around and wondered， “Why has everyone found love except me？” You’re not the only one。 Great relationships don’t just appear in our lives—they’re the culmination of a series of decisions， including whom to date， how to end it with the wrong person， and when to commit to the right one。 But our brains often get in the way。 We make poor decisions， which thwart us on our quest to find lasting love。
Drawing from years of research， behavioral scientist turned dating coach Logan Ury reveals the hidden forces that cause those mistakes。 But awareness on its own doesn’t lead to results。 You have to actually change your behavior。 Ury shows you how。
This book focuses on a different decision in each chapter， incorporating insights from behavioral science， original research， and real-life stories。 You’ll learn:
-What’s holding you back in dating （and how to break the pattern）
-What really matters in a long-term partner （and what really doesn’t）
-How to overcome the perils of online dating （and make the apps work for you）
-How to meet more people in real life （while doing activities you love）
-How to make dates fun again （so they stop feeling like job interviews）
-Why “the spark” is a myth （but you’ll find love anyway）
This data-driven， step-by-step guide to relationships， complete with hands-on exercises， is designed to transform your life。 How to Not Die Alone will help you find， build， and keep the relationship of your dreams。
A funny and practical guide to help you find， build， and keep the relationship of your dreams。
Have you ever looked around and wondered， “Why has everyone found love except me？” You’re not the only one。 Great relationships don’t just appear in our lives—they’re the culmination of a series of decisions， including whom to date， how to end it with the wrong person， and when to commit to the right one。 But our brains often get in the way。 We make poor decisions， which thwart us on our quest to find lasting love。
Drawing from years of research， behavioral scientist turned dating coach Logan Ury reveals the hidden forces that cause those mistakes。 But awareness on its own doesn’t lead to results。 You have to actually change your behavior。 Ury shows you how。
This book focuses on a different decision in each chapter， incorporating insights from behavioral science， original research， and real-life stories。 You’ll learn:
-What’s holding you back in dating （and how to break the pattern）
-What really matters in a long-term partner （and what really doesn’t）
-How to overcome the perils of online dating （and make the apps work for you）
-How to meet more people in real life （while doing activities you love）
-How to make dates fun again （so they stop feeling like job interviews）
-Why “the spark” is a myth （but you’ll find love anyway）
This data-driven， step-by-step guide to relationships， complete with hands-on exercises， is designed to transform your life。 How to Not Die Alone will help you find， build， and keep the relationship of your dreams。
Reviews
Elizabeth
，
Well， this was actually pretty good， and even more importantly， helpful。 I don’t love the title because it feels exposing， but hey， it’s true。 I heard an interview with the author on NPR， learned about how her book connected dating with the associated behavioral science literature， including calling out the greats like the Dan’s （Ariely and Savage）， and was sold。 I really liked the writing voice of this book。 I felt—mostly—like the target audience: millennial （barely）， middle class or higher， in Well， this was actually pretty good， and even more importantly， helpful。 I don’t love the title because it feels exposing， but hey， it’s true。 I heard an interview with the author on NPR， learned about how her book connected dating with the associated behavioral science literature， including calling out the greats like the Dan’s （Ariely and Savage）， and was sold。 I really liked the writing voice of this book。 I felt—mostly—like the target audience: millennial （barely）， middle class or higher， in the Bay Area， and being white can’t hurt either。 Also， as it happens， one of the author’s best friends is a family friend of mine who has known me all my life。 Regardless， the writing is simple and matter-of-fact but still spirited， not taking herself too too seriously。 I feel like I have an instruction manual to lead me through all chapters of the relationship encyclopedia， though reading the marriage chapters felt a little silly because first I need to overcome my “hesitater” status。 While queer identities are acknowledged， there isn’t as much behavioral science research on LGBTQ groups， which limits insights。 And I was unsurprised but nevertheless still wish that my flavor of identity （ace umbrella） was included。 In the end， I’m seriously considering buying this book to have on hand for a pep talk or reference。 Now how to buy this book without feeling like I’m being outed as a desperate and lonely single？！ 。。。more
Ninaczyta_
，
„Plan na miłość， czyli jak stworzyć fajny związek” Książka ta strasznie mnie wkurzyła。 Jest to książka bardziej jak randkować a nie jak stworzyć fajny związek。 Moim zdaniem powinna się nazywać „Jak zaczął randkować i jak łatwo z kimś zerwać”。Sam początek książki był dobry， ponieważ pokazywał， że nie możemy liczyć na księcia z bajki， który po prostu się nie zjawi。 Nasze oczekiwania przez filmy lub książki są zbyt wygórowane。 Jednak reszta książki mnie bardzo zirytowała。 Na końcu pojawiają się ro „Plan na miłość， czyli jak stworzyć fajny związek” Książka ta strasznie mnie wkurzyła。 Jest to książka bardziej jak randkować a nie jak stworzyć fajny związek。 Moim zdaniem powinna się nazywać „Jak zaczął randkować i jak łatwo z kimś zerwać”。Sam początek książki był dobry， ponieważ pokazywał， że nie możemy liczyć na księcia z bajki， który po prostu się nie zjawi。 Nasze oczekiwania przez filmy lub książki są zbyt wygórowane。 Jednak reszta książki mnie bardzo zirytowała。 Na końcu pojawiają się rozdziały o zerwaniu i naprawdę mi się one nie podobały。 Pokazane są powody dlaczego powinnismy zerwać i są one moim zdaniem chore jak np。 „Pomyślmy o naszym partnerze jako części garderoby， jeśli pomyślimy o jakieś starej， zużytej części to znaczy， że wstydzimy się tej osoby”。 Kolejna część， która mnie wkurzyła to myśleniu o zerwaniu jako czymś pozytywnym i skupieniu się tylko na negatywach związku i pozytywach zerwania。 I w zaletach jest na przykład „Nie muszę walczyć z nikim o kołdrę”。 Pokazanie małżeństwa jako największej kary i błędu naszego życia oraz wykresy jak ludzie są nieszczęśliwi w małżeństwie。 W tym rozdziale również było o tym， że formułka „I nie opuszczę cie aż do śmierci” jest bezmyślnie wklepywana i ludzie żyją teraz dłużej， wiec często musimy się ze sobą męczyć aż pół wieku。 Ja osobiście nie odebrałam tej książki jako dobry poradnik， który pomoże stworzyć fajny związek。 Jest to poradnik randkowania i łatwego zrywania。 Stały związek pokazany jest jak ciężka praca， która praktycznie nigdy nie daje efektów i jest całym pasmem poświęceń i bólu。 A moim zdaniem związek to kompromisy i raczej trzeba szukać pozytywów niż na siłę szukać negatywów， którym według autorki jest np。 Nie lubię danego filmu i już nie muszę udawać， że go lubię。 Autorka ewidentnie ma problem do tego， że ludzie chcą być ze sobą do końca życia。 Jak widać książka nie przypadła mi do gustu i nie będę jej polecać。 。。。more
Jen Noir
，
I picked up this book after seeing it on NPR and i was intrigued by the idea of “the spark” being a myth。 Certainly true in my dating experience。 Written by Hinge’s relationship scientist， this book offers interesting insight on how we think about finding potential partners。**Key Takeaways from the chapter “F*ck the Spark， How to Reject Myths about Instant Chemistry”1。 F*ck the spark。 Fireworks and instant chemistry are often absent at the beginning of a relationship。 Chemistry can build over ti I picked up this book after seeing it on NPR and i was intrigued by the idea of “the spark” being a myth。 Certainly true in my dating experience。 Written by Hinge’s relationship scientist， this book offers interesting insight on how we think about finding potential partners。**Key Takeaways from the chapter “F*ck the Spark， How to Reject Myths about Instant Chemistry”1。 F*ck the spark。 Fireworks and instant chemistry are often absent at the beginning of a relationship。 Chemistry can build over time。2。 Context matters。 You may not feel the spark with someone simply because of the environment in which you meet。 3。 The spark is not always a good thing。 That feeling of chemistry may actually be anxiety because that person doesn’t make it clear how they feel about you。 Sometimes the presence of a spark is more of an indication of how charming someone is or how narcissistic and less a sign of a shared connection。4。 If you feel the spark， it doesn’t necessarily mean that the relationship is viable。 Even if it leads to a LTR， It’s not enough to keep the relationship going nor is it a sign that you’re meant to be together。 5。 Ditch the spark and go after the slow burn。 。。。more
Cindy
，
How Not to Die Alone is that rare type of self-help book that manages to be both fun and insightful。 When I received my copy in the mail， my roommates and I immediately started taking the quiz to figure out which archetype we were （surprise， we're an apartment full of Maximizers）。Moreover， the book is engaging， and Logan's look at the end-to-end lifespan of a relationship is a fresh take that distills many dating-related myths， from "sparks" to texting your ex。 And in spite of the data-driven le How Not to Die Alone is that rare type of self-help book that manages to be both fun and insightful。 When I received my copy in the mail， my roommates and I immediately started taking the quiz to figure out which archetype we were （surprise， we're an apartment full of Maximizers）。Moreover， the book is engaging， and Logan's look at the end-to-end lifespan of a relationship is a fresh take that distills many dating-related myths， from "sparks" to texting your ex。 And in spite of the data-driven lens of the book， you can tell that this is Logan's turf。 Her passion behind studying relationships and helping folks find love is both obvious and inspiring， and as somebody with bragging rights of knowing Logan personally （sorry， couldn't resist ¯\_（ツ）_/¯）， I think it's so rad that she's actively studying what excites her and sharing it with the rest of us。（Also， if you haven't already， you should check out Logan's beautiful， poignant essay for Modern Love。） 。。。more
Taylor Ball
，
Despite the embarrassing title， this is the best dating book I’ve read so far！Unlike other dating books written by dating gurus who base their advice off of their own experience or their clients’ experience， Logan Ury （a current Hinge executive， a former Googler and a psychology graduate from Harvard） gives advice backed by consumer behaviour and psychology。 Every piece of advice is justified。 She also throws in lots of real life examples for good measure。 I also really liked how this book didn’ Despite the embarrassing title， this is the best dating book I’ve read so far！Unlike other dating books written by dating gurus who base their advice off of their own experience or their clients’ experience， Logan Ury （a current Hinge executive， a former Googler and a psychology graduate from Harvard） gives advice backed by consumer behaviour and psychology。 Every piece of advice is justified。 She also throws in lots of real life examples for good measure。 I also really liked how this book didn’t tell the reader how to act， but rather guided them in their decision making at every stage of a relationship。 As a big fan of consumer behaviour， I knew a lot of the concepts in the book; however， I did appreciate seeing them applied to dating and learning new dating specific theories。 Also， this is the only dating book I’ve come across that is gender and LGTBQ inclusive。 The examples are relevant to men and women， regardless of sexual orientation。 If you’re looking for some dating advice， this is where I recommend you start。8。7 hours on kobo 。。。more
Leo Glowacki
，
Bad title， good bookUry has put together a solid guide to intentional relationships in the 21st century。 The title has gotten some concerned comments from both my friends and my partner - requiring some explanation on my part。 It is a good example of a sensationalist book title meant to increase sales， which I can only partially fault the author and publisher for。 Regardless， if you’re wondering what this book is really about， a more appropriate title would be something to the affect of: “Relati Bad title， good bookUry has put together a solid guide to intentional relationships in the 21st century。 The title has gotten some concerned comments from both my friends and my partner - requiring some explanation on my part。 It is a good example of a sensationalist book title meant to increase sales， which I can only partially fault the author and publisher for。 Regardless， if you’re wondering what this book is really about， a more appropriate title would be something to the affect of: “Relationship Science for the 21st Century: How to Find， Build， and Maintain Intentional Relationships” I would recommend this book to anyone looking for advice on how to make better and more rational decisions in their relationships。 。。。more
Chrissann Nickel
，
I heard this author on a podcast randomly and she was so interesting， I decided to get her book。 I’m a big fan of behavior science and found the applications of certain studies to her thoughts on dating useful and insightful。 I’d definitely recommend this book to anyone in the dating stage of life。
Kun Shao
，
The title sounds cliché but the content is actually more scientific than what the title might suggest。 😅 The book includes a quiz that help you identify your dating tendencies。The RomanticizerYou want the soul mate， the happily ever after—the whole fairy tale。 You love love。 You believe you are single because you haven’t met the right person yet。 Your motto: It’ll happen when it’s meant to happen。The MaximizerYou love doing research， exploring all of your options， turning over every stone until The title sounds cliché but the content is actually more scientific than what the title might suggest。 😅 The book includes a quiz that help you identify your dating tendencies。The RomanticizerYou want the soul mate， the happily ever after—the whole fairy tale。 You love love。 You believe you are single because you haven’t met the right person yet。 Your motto: It’ll happen when it’s meant to happen。The MaximizerYou love doing research， exploring all of your options， turning over every stone until you’re confident you’ve found the right one。 You make decisions carefully。 And you want to be 100 percent certain about something before you make your choice。 Your motto: Why settle？The HesitaterYou don’t think you’re ready for dating because you’re not the person you want to be yet。 You hold yourself to a high standard。 You want to feel completely ready before you start a new project; the same goes for dating。 Your motto: I’ll wait until I’m a catch。Each tendency represents unrealistic expectations: the romanticizer- unrealistic expectations about relationshipsThe maximizer - unrealistic expectations about the other personThe hesitater - unrealistic expectations about yourselfInteresting book to help with self awareness。 Thanks Jiahui for the recommendation。 。。。more
Hannah
，
This book made my heart grow three sizes， Grinch-style。 I finished it about a week ago and have already given copies to three people。 Yes， really。 They’re friends across the spectrum of life experiences: in their 20s and 60s， politically conservative， liberal， religious， agnostic， male， female， straight， queer， recently divorced， perpetually single， and currently in a relationship。 That’s how widely applicable I think this book is。It’s also one of the reasons I picked it up: By not having obviou This book made my heart grow three sizes， Grinch-style。 I finished it about a week ago and have already given copies to three people。 Yes， really。 They’re friends across the spectrum of life experiences: in their 20s and 60s， politically conservative， liberal， religious， agnostic， male， female， straight， queer， recently divorced， perpetually single， and currently in a relationship。 That’s how widely applicable I think this book is。It’s also one of the reasons I picked it up: By not having obvious “his and her”-coded toothbrushes on the cover， I felt How to Not Die Alone might be consciously LGBT-friendly， and I was right。 It’s clear that Logan Ury made a real effort to reach a wide audience。I’ve never read a dating book before because they’re often marketed in this creepy， hyper-heteronormative way that really freaks me out。 Ury’s isn’t like that。 She’s chill。 She's everything you want from a good cognitive behavioral therapist: Her tone is humorous and light， sincere and forgiving， open-minded and compassionate。 She’s teaching us about evidence-based techniques for healthy communication and translating those techniques into dating-specific advice。 Some of the studies she cites are old school， landmark studies in behavioral psychology， and I learned about them in my Psych 101 class years ago。 But it was still worth re-learning about those studies because I had never applied them to dating before。 A lot of the studies are much more recent， though， giving us new insight into healthy and clear communication。The book also works for a broad audience because she talks about everything from how to find dating opportunities （both in apps and IRL） to how to maintain a healthy relationship， how to break up if necessary， when and whether to move in together and/or marry， and why people get divorced。 That’s a lot for one book， and it’s so well-organized that it completely works。More than anything， this book just healed me of a lot of shame I didn’t realize I was harboring。 I feel more open to talking and thinking about dating， about potentially setting my friends up on dates， and about simply admitting that I might want a partner someday。 This book singlehandedly got me over a long-term crush that was going nowhere， and it made me realize I've probably passed good potential partners by in the past （and won't be making that mistake again！）。 Like any good therapist， Logan Ury helps us identify our needs and communicate them openly。 At the same time， I think I’m on my way to becoming a better friend to the people in my life。 In the past I’ve been unhelpful when it comes to dating advice， but now I feel I have the tools to help both myself and my loved ones form more meaningful connections。That’s pretty powerful stuff。 Books are amazing。 <3 。。。more
Jiahui Jiang
，
Recommended by Xinyi。 Still remember staying up late rushing through the first date chapter before going on some first in person dates。The important question here is:Can I make a life with this person？ Intentionally
Jeffrey M
，
So I started reading this after an organization I regularly attend on book talks had the author as a guest。 I’m currently single， so I thought， why not。 I have certainself-help books （I feel I can learn more life lessons from memoirs and well-written fiction）。 As someone who is on one， Hinge dating app。 It was educational to see how you only get better at dating even if you’re not looking is just dating; a lot of what your looking for is superficial on the dating apps。 And I think the most impor So I started reading this after an organization I regularly attend on book talks had the author as a guest。 I’m currently single， so I thought， why not。 I have certainself-help books （I feel I can learn more life lessons from memoirs and well-written fiction）。 As someone who is on one， Hinge dating app。 It was educational to see how you only get better at dating even if you’re not looking is just dating; a lot of what your looking for is superficial on the dating apps。 And I think the most important part is realizing what categories you’re apart of so you can improve。 Also not included in the book， but we men should be better humans and negate misogyny。 。。。more
Szaatf
，
More blog listicle than book。 It's disappointing that a behavioral researcher has so little to say when presumably they have access to datasets that are increasingly hidden by popular dating services。 More blog listicle than book。 It's disappointing that a behavioral researcher has so little to say when presumably they have access to datasets that are increasingly hidden by popular dating services。 。。。more
Nico Robin
，
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers。 To view it， click here。 This book is super intentionally needed in my life right now。 I’m 23 years old and NBSB。 There are guys trying to talk to me but ends up stopping along the way because I’m such a bitch and I don’t forking entertain them。 I’ll be candor。 I feel like they don’t deserve me。 Did I say that I am entitled bitch， too？ Yep。 People ask me if someone’s courting me or just interested。 I always answer that none even there are。 I am also socially awkward and I don’t know to be vulnerable around other people This book is super intentionally needed in my life right now。 I’m 23 years old and NBSB。 There are guys trying to talk to me but ends up stopping along the way because I’m such a bitch and I don’t forking entertain them。 I’ll be candor。 I feel like they don’t deserve me。 Did I say that I am entitled bitch， too？ Yep。 People ask me if someone’s courting me or just interested。 I always answer that none even there are。 I am also socially awkward and I don’t know to be vulnerable around other people that I don’t even know。 LolIn relation to that， I learned a lot from this book。 As a fan of romance films and books BEFORE， I’ve been unconciously focusing my perspective to romantic stuff like “love at first sight”， “love chemistry”， and all sorts of stuff that only fictional things can offer。 Yep， let’s be realistic。 Now， I limited those genres and committed to non-fiction helpful books。 This is one of those books that looks interesting。 HOW TO NOT DIE ALONE is a crazy title because dying is a profound topic。 So are you saying that dying alone is a miserable thing？ What do you call those people who lost their partner then they died？ How do you prevent that stuff？ Then the next line follows: “THE SURPRISING SCIENCE TO HELP YOU FIND LOVE” and okay， maybe it will REALLY help me find love or just even experience it。 I’m mentally love guru but experience-based is nah –just awkward。 This books taught me that love is not instant unlike our modern lives today。 It does not happen at first sight， crazy chemistry， and in short “not your Disney and K-drama stories。” Here I am waiting for the one but maybe waiting for nothing。 I don’t go out and obviously don’t entertain opposite sex either online or in person。 Here I am thinking that someone will be super patient and courageous to understand my crazy quirks。 Now， I became hopeles thinking that I MUST go out and date。 That sucks。 But this is the reality of love。 Go outside your house and meet other people。 Don’t be depressed over someone who haven’t DTR and ghosted you。 Yep， happened to me and it’s traumatizing since he was my best friend。 Always be platonic。 And don’t assume unless stated。 That’s what I learned in my past。 That’s not considered dating because we didn’t actually went together by just two of us。 Marrying is also DIFFICULT。 You don’t marry someone just because you are heads over heels over them。 Love subsides over time and breaking-up is an awkward situation。 But this book is super helpful。 I hope to find my boyfriend and hopefully husband and apply these information that I acquired。 Gosh， I can’t really see this future of myself。 I don’t use social media to attract people and obviously not in person because BLUETOOTH EARPHONES ARE THE BEST。 Listen to music and ignore the world。 I don’t even check who are the people sitting besides me when I am commuting in public transportations。 The not using of earphones is an advise of Logan Ury （the author） because this signifies that you don’t want to interact to other people。 She said to be open and let other people talk to you。 Maybe I’ll be pressured to date someone if I reach my turning age of 25 years old。 But this book is helpful。 I just don’t want to be pressured to dating as of the moment。 I am happy being single and being the 5th wheel during friends’ outing。 Yep。 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA。 。。。more
Manda
，
Totally eye-opening and great suggestions。 For obvious reasons， I skipped the last chapter on marriage。
Elisa
，
How to Not Die Alone （Logan Ury， Social Science） The title cracked me up， so I had to read it。 Surprisingly， this book was good！ Ury cites many highly-respected relationship experts like Gottman and Perel， and she provides tangible steps， guides， and scripts for readers practicing how to a） not ghost， b） end a crummy relationship， c） be honest with themselves about how finicky they’ve been in choosing a partner， etc。 I may still die alone， but at least I’ll go into it with eyes wide open now！ 3/ How to Not Die Alone （Logan Ury， Social Science） The title cracked me up， so I had to read it。 Surprisingly， this book was good！ Ury cites many highly-respected relationship experts like Gottman and Perel， and she provides tangible steps， guides， and scripts for readers practicing how to a） not ghost， b） end a crummy relationship， c） be honest with themselves about how finicky they’ve been in choosing a partner， etc。 I may still die alone， but at least I’ll go into it with eyes wide open now！ 3/9/21 – 5 STARS 。。。more
Chere Marie
，
This is as a wonderful book。 It’s very well written， funny， insightful， and research based。 It’s helpful not only in terms of dating but really in all areas of interpersonal relationships。 At the core it’s about communication。 The author Logan Ury gives ample footnotes and references to more resources as well as work sheets。 A great read for self reflection and making intentional relationships。
Amaka
，
This book is simply amazing。 The writing style and the activity logs are very practical， and funny。
Lisa
，
Despite its ominous title， I found this book to be full of practical advice and helpful tips on getting to know yourself and your dating preferences better and how to stop self-sabotaging。
Hampus Jakobsson
，
I was after a more generic topic of dating - in terms of meeting people at ones best， but Logan has written a pretty amazing （and funny） guide on how to meet the love of your life （which was not what I was looking for - but was what was advertised）。So: great for the purpose， but I thought it would be more generic :D
Lea
，
3。75。 This petered out for me had some good and novel suggestions。
Christine
，
I thought this book was pretty great。 It pulled together a lot of research from prior relationship experts that I’ve read before but had a modern twist。 There are worksheets/contracts/write-in exercises I really liked。 Truly learned a lot， would recommend to modern millennials in a relationship， looking for one， trying to end one， or taking the next steps。
Carol Palmer
，
This is another self-help book that I feel like I should update my review a couple months from now。 I really liked this book。 Like Gretchen Rubin's Four Tendencies， she has a test for a dating personality type。 Turns out I'm a Hesitator - I never feel I'm really ready to date。 I also have an Anxious attachment style。 The last few chapters deal with once you're in a relationship - deciding if should break up， deciding to move to the next step， how to keep the relationship fresh。 I just skimmed th This is another self-help book that I feel like I should update my review a couple months from now。 I really liked this book。 Like Gretchen Rubin's Four Tendencies， she has a test for a dating personality type。 Turns out I'm a Hesitator - I never feel I'm really ready to date。 I also have an Anxious attachment style。 The last few chapters deal with once you're in a relationship - deciding if should break up， deciding to move to the next step， how to keep the relationship fresh。 I just skimmed those chapters。 OK。 Well， I'll be taking new pictures and diving back into the dating pool。 Wish me luck！Also， this book has a Facebook group that I've gotten mental support from。 。。。more
Laia
，
I really recommend it！ I work as a dating coach and I say many of the things in this book on a weekly basis， on repeat。 It covers the basic good sense approaches that will result in finding a partner。 I really appreciate that she has a whole chapter about ‘fuck the spark’ and I love the questions to ask yourself after a date。 I also love her categories of kinds of daters， ‘hitchers’ and ‘ditchers’， her advice on breaking up and creating a long term relationship。 I disagree on a small point but o I really recommend it！ I work as a dating coach and I say many of the things in this book on a weekly basis， on repeat。 It covers the basic good sense approaches that will result in finding a partner。 I really appreciate that she has a whole chapter about ‘fuck the spark’ and I love the questions to ask yourself after a date。 I also love her categories of kinds of daters， ‘hitchers’ and ‘ditchers’， her advice on breaking up and creating a long term relationship。 I disagree on a small point but otherwise it’s really great。 I am grateful she sat down and wrote such a good guide on dating。 。。。more
Emily
，
Highly recommended reading for any stage of relationship or non-relationship。 So many helpful pieces of advice about what to do to make things work no matter where you’re at in your relationship。
Hannah Hahn
，
Realistically more like 3。5 but I rounded up
Andrea
，
So many books all in one， simple， doable bookThis has so many helpful topics for relationships。 From attachment theory （and tendencies and how to recognize your own and partner's）， relationships tendencies （I'm a maximizer！！）， and differences between Hitchers and Ditchers and how to recognize and make conscious decisions （decide vs slide）。 I appreciate the practical information from online dating and meeting people （widen your filters）， what *really* matters in a partner， and how to create meani So many books all in one， simple， doable bookThis has so many helpful topics for relationships。 From attachment theory （and tendencies and how to recognize your own and partner's）， relationships tendencies （I'm a maximizer！！）， and differences between Hitchers and Ditchers and how to recognize and make conscious decisions （decide vs slide）。 I appreciate the practical information from online dating and meeting people （widen your filters）， what *really* matters in a partner， and how to create meaningful dates rather than interviews （or interrogations！！）。 There is a section to help decide to end or mend the relationship （and how for each！）， how to create deep， meaningful， conscious relationships （complete with break up， relationship， and marriage contracts created intentionally）。 I love the combination of exercises， scientific studies， and practical advice。 I would highly recommend this to everyone！ Even my parents （married 40+ years） can benefit from weekly check ins and intentional check ins。 The author's sense of humor made me laugh out loud several times！ Highly appreciated and recommended！ Read it， apply it， and create the relationship you love！ 。。。more
A。gasior
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No new revelations here， just conventional wisdom and some over-cited psychological studied。 Has some funny quips and workshop type prompts， but essentially tells you to settle cuz you ain't all that。 No new revelations here， just conventional wisdom and some over-cited psychological studied。 Has some funny quips and workshop type prompts， but essentially tells you to settle cuz you ain't all that。 。。。more
Steven
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In this mix of pop science and interpersonal therapy， the author covers the dating and relationship spectrum from beginning to end。 （Props for being intentionally inclusive！） Though I learned less in the first third， I found myself enjoying subsequent sections quite a bit。 The scientific tidbits drawn upon are nothing new but do help emphasize key ideas; the chapter recaps are a great visual and mental organizational tool; and， exercises are provided if you are the workbook type。 Overall， I thin In this mix of pop science and interpersonal therapy， the author covers the dating and relationship spectrum from beginning to end。 （Props for being intentionally inclusive！） Though I learned less in the first third， I found myself enjoying subsequent sections quite a bit。 The scientific tidbits drawn upon are nothing new but do help emphasize key ideas; the chapter recaps are a great visual and mental organizational tool; and， exercises are provided if you are the workbook type。 Overall， I think it would be wise to revisit this text during pivotal life moments。 。。。more
Sarah S。
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As far as dating advice books are concerned， this book rocked （4。5/5）。 I have dated a ton （with varying degrees of happiness and success） and feel no particular pressure to "settle down"， though I would like to stop dating hot assholes。 I am definitely a "maximizer" and I never really challenged that dynamic until reading this book -- with a few of the chapters， I can see myself trying to be more open-minded and less rigid in my 'requirements' in a potential partner。 I would say about half of th As far as dating advice books are concerned， this book rocked （4。5/5）。 I have dated a ton （with varying degrees of happiness and success） and feel no particular pressure to "settle down"， though I would like to stop dating hot assholes。 I am definitely a "maximizer" and I never really challenged that dynamic until reading this book -- with a few of the chapters， I can see myself trying to be more open-minded and less rigid in my 'requirements' in a potential partner。 I would say about half of the chapters weren't particular relevant to me in my particular stage of life （as someone who is comfortable going on dates/meeting new people *and* is not at the stage to consider marriage） but， with that being said， I think it was definitely interesting and provided a lot to think about for the future。 Lastly， I find the author wildly nice and reassuring。 There isn't any insinuation that you're "incomplete" if you haven't found "The One"， or that being single is a "problem"， or whatever some of these other reviewers are suggesting。 She actually doesn't even believe in "The One"。。。？ I'd suggest actually reading the book。 Though， if you're single and have no interest in dating， then perhaps it's a good one to sit out。。。？ :） 。。。more
Mr Mokelu
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